I’ve never been into reality shows very much, but the fact that I’ve had to do a lot of laying around this summer combined with the fact that there is nothing on TV has driven me to desperation. I caught an episode of “Wife Swap” a few weeks ago and was oddly fascinated. While I don’t have the desire to put my family under such an uncomfortable microscope, I get why other people would. It’s a great learning opportunity, if nothing else. And of course they pair up the most polar opposite people they can find, to ensure emotional volatility at every turn. You know, the stuff drama is made of. I imagine a lot more subtle change and discovery took place in the two weeks of filming than emerges from the editing room. But that’s just business.
I watched an episode today while cutting out and ironing some new winter pajamas for my kids and I ended up having to turn off the television. And have a talk with my kids about the dangers of judgment and self righteousness. And the strange thing was? The person I was most upset with in the show was a fellow atheist.
A little background. The show featured a family from North Carolina who were very deeply religious evangelical Christians. They really limited their childrens exposure to the outside world, mom picked out clothes for all the kids to ensure modesty, dad is the king of the castle and the family follows “man law”… which means dad works outside the home while mom plays a more traditional role. (This “man law” also extended to the male child, who never had to do chores while his sisters did them daily. mmmmhhmmm.) Religion was obviously the center of their lives, but they seemed like a pretty solid family. (With the exception of that “man law” bullshit. Boys need to know how to clean and cook just as much as girls do!) The other family was a staunchly atheist family of five who enjoyed an “alternative lifestyle”. (Alternative to what?) They were tattooed and pierced and let the kids pretty much explore whatever they wanted. Partying seemed to be a big part of their life. They seemed like a solid family as well, and the kids were happy and healthy.
The premise of the show is that for the first week each mom must live by the other families rules. The next week, those mom’s get to make thier own rules and the families must abide by them. Cue the learning and growing. And screaming and crying and fighting. Personally, I think its just a bad idea to try to force anyone to accept your own personal beliefs. Nine times out of ten, it’s not going to end well, regardless of what you happen to believe. And these people were definitely not the exception to the rule.
I’m a firm believer that each religion, culture, race, etc. has both good and bad representatives. After all, we are all still just humans with a seemingly endless supply of obnoxious behaviors. But this man, this atheist, was just as close minded and self righteous as any other religious fanatic. He took every opportunity to deride this woman’s choices, mock her beliefs and tear down every moral value she held. Because you get more flies with vinegar, right? His wife was nearly as bad. She made a point, with the self righteous battle cry of “personal expression” (I suppose the irony was lost), to take religion away from the family for a week. She went so far as to put their bibles in a trash bag and take down any decor in their home reflective of their religion. These folks had an opportunity to expose a family to broader horizons. To prove to them that an atheist can still be a good parent, a kind and dependable community member… a person with essentially the same moral code. Instead, they took every opportunity to belittle and oppress. Sound familiar anyone?
Maybe its the fact that I’m an atheist in an area that is pretty much the bible belt of California. I believe the town I live in once held a record for having the most churches per square foot. Much of my family is religious… I have a brother and an uncle who are both preachers. The other side of my family is more “new age” in their belief systems. I was taught about Jesus right along with the concept of reincarnation and self realization. It turns out neither of these spiritual paths are right for me. It’s been a struggle, something I’ve had a lot of shame and fear and nervousness about, but its been a big relief to be able to admit to myself something I’ve known since I was a child: I don’t believe in God. I don’t know what happens when we die. I don’t know if our lives have purpose or destiny or if we are really anything more than slightly (very slightly) more complex animals, though I definitely lean toward that. This may change as I get older, or it may not. Either way, I strive to do good. To grow as a person and be of service to our world and its people. I’ve found my own way to be ok with what I believe or don’t believe and not feel that I am constantly letting others down. I try to let my life do the talking for me.
And of course there have been times when, with all the zest of a new convert, I’ve indulged in feelings of superiority. (Fleeting) Moments of feeling smug, like I know better than everyone else. The universe likes to give me a well deserved smack upside the head and that is usually all it takes to put me right back in my rightful place… silent observer, grateful that I live in a time and place where I don’t face religious (or lack of) persecution and open minded enough to appreciate what a wonderful thing religion is for many, many people. Christian, Muslim, Jew, hell, I don’t care if you worship lightening bugs, if it helps you make more sense of your life, if it gives you the same sense of peace and contentment we are all striving for, then by all means. Do it. I’ll even fight to ensure that you have the right.
The thing is, at the end of the day, its a choice. A personal choice. And really? Its no one else’s beeswax.
I don’t think I would make good reality TV. I’m pretty sure acceptance and tolerance just don’t bring in ratings like they should!
We celebrated Ivy’s 6th birthday last Saturday with a unicorn party. It was very pink and girly and she had a blast! And I was reminded that my house is much too small for entertaining.
